That crazy little thing called parenthood

I admit it right now with my tail between my legs: I have been a terrible blogger this past year. I can list a bevy of excuses (I am running a business, I am mothering three children, I am being a wife, I am keeping my household in order), but the truth is I just haven't slowed myself down enough to write. I don't write for other people, I write for myself. Writing has always been a cathartic process for me, a way to pinpoint emotions that swirl like fog through my brain. Most of the times when I sit down to write (OK, EVERY time), it is because there is something cursing through my brain and heart that I just can't pinpoint. Something about writing opens up the floodgates to my soul and, before I know it, I am once again completely in sync with myself. Someone once asked me, "If you only write for yourself than why share it with others?" That's a good question. For me my writing is a means of sharing with those around me. I am not the only working mother in the world. I am not the only wife in the world. I am not the only business owner in the world. I am not the only person grappling with the myriad of questions and thoughts that bombard every day life. Maybe someone will read one of my pieces and feel not alone in this vast universe. And if none of that happens, well, that is perfectly fine with me too.

I am a good mother. I say this not to imply that I am the BEST or the ONLY or the EXCEPTION. I say this not to brag. I say this because it is the truth. I am a good mother because I am a work in progress. Because I am not perfect. Because just like everything else in my life, motherhood is a journey that I weather one step at a time, something that I take the time to constantly reevaluate. When I think of what a "good parent" is to me, I do not envision the scene of euphoric movie bliss where everyone says please and thank-you at all the right moments, where the house is always show ready with freshly cut flowers and a homemade pie cooling on the windowsill, where everyone is perfect and happy at every second of every day. Instead, I envision "good parents" surrounded by a sea of chaos but instead of letting this chaos suffocate them, they are working together with those around them and their children to make a stable life. They are working to instill the lessons that are most important to them, and they are working to always become better versions of themselves. Sometimes, just sometimes, this "good parent" who is writing this post puts a movie in the DVD player because she just needs 10 MINUTES of peace and quiet to shave her legs uninterrupted. This "good parent" sometimes says no to art projects because she just doesn't want to clean up paint and glitter from every surface of her house. And, this "good parent" often hides play-doh because she hates the way it smells and the hardened pieces it leaves in every crack and crevasse. I never said I was without flaws. In fact, I have many of them.

I am proud of the mother I am and the parents that Mark and I are. We work every day to give our kids the things that matter most to us: unconditional love and acceptance. Does this mean we don't punish them when they are wrong? No. Does this mean we don't point out to them mistakes they make? No. In order to grow you have to learn, and in order to learn you have to make mistakes. I'm sorry but that is just the harsh reality of life. I don't expect my kids to be perfect just like I don't expect myself to be. What I do expect is for them (and me) to evaluate those mistakes openly and without reserve. If I make a mistake and ignore it, what good does that do? I have heard parents say that they will never back down on something they have said. Never? Well, that seems awfully strict to me. I have apologized to all of my kids before, "Mommy is sorry that she didn't stop and listen better." "Mommy is sorry that she lost her temper and didn't calm down first." "Mommy is sorry that she forgot to send in your permission slip." I take accountability for the person I am, flaws and all, and I want nothing more than for my kids to do the same. Own it, fix it, learn from it. That is my motto.

Maybe it is wrong to say that I feel like my life is perfect, but I do. That doesn't mean that EVERY facet of my life is perfect. That's just insane. What that means is that the things that really matter are exactly how they should be. I am exactly how I should be in this moment. My husband is exactly how he should be in this moment. My marriage is exactly how it should be in this moment. My kids are exactly how they should be at this moment. This moment, well it is just a blip in our journey together through life. My life is perfect because I work hard to achieve what matters to me and, all the while, I keep a realistic view that perfect doesn't mean flawless it just means right.

I haven't always felt that my life is perfect. But, when something feels "off", I evaluate how to fix it. And most importantly, any time something has felt "off" I have not ignored it. I have not refused to see my own contribution to this "off-ness." Instead, I have grabbed that feeling as much as it hurts, I have pushed that bruise, to find the source. The only advice I can give to people who lack contentment is to figure out what you need to be content, and the first place you need to look is within. When I stopped trying to be flawless and embraced myself, contentment sailed into my life with relative ease.

At the end of the day, the shininess of my floors or the crispness of my shirt don't matter to me. I am perfectly perfect with dust balls lurking in my corners and a smear of syrup from the kids' waffles on the bottom of my shirt. That is my reality. That is my perfect. Take it or leave it.

I owe a lot of this perspective to being a mother because no matter what, I just can't control everything, and my kids have reminded me how to enjoy the beauty of living. They have reminded me to slow down. They have reminded me how much fun it can be to sit around and play with toys. They have reminded me that no problem is too small to not be taken seriously and no achievement it too small to not celebrate wildly. They have reminded me that being together and laughing is really all that matters. And, they have reminded me that, no matter what life throws at us, we will always be OK because we have each other.