I always find that the holiday season is a very contemplative time for me. Maybe it is the abundance of events that makes me remember how fortunate I am to be surrounded by the family that I have. I know that not everyone is as lucky as I am, and I always take time over the holiday season to stop and be truly thankful for what I have.
Of course saying I am thankful for my family brings up an entirely different question: what defines a "family"? In these times with so many blended families, it has long been accepted that your family can include people who are not your blood, but for me it reaches much further than that. I have co-workers, acquaintances, friends, and family. Some people span through many of those categories; others only one. It was actually during Mass this past weekend during a quiet moment of prayer that I thought about the people that make up my family and realized that blood actually has very little to do with it. The people that my heart classifies as family are those that I trust not only my heart and soul with, but also with the protection and care of my children and their well being. If I trust someone completely enough to know all of me and guard my children....well then, they are family.
It is interesting because I used to be much more guarded with myself. In part this was due to immaturity and needing to seek approval from others to feel redeemed, but it was also due in part to my own insecurities. If you can't see enough of your own value to love yourself then how are you ever going to believe that other people can love you too? When I say "you" I don't mean the controlled and censored version that if often displayed to strangers, but the "you" that has flaws, tells raunchy jokes, is hideously sensitive, and sometimes, just sometimes, farts in her sleep. There is nothing quite as rewarding as letting the real you out there to people and learning just how many people value you, blemishes and all.
None of this means that I am just like everyone in my "family." In fact, we are nothing like Stepford but actually all very unique and dynamic individuals. I have to admit that I have been known to express to my husband that the way some of the people around me do things is "weird" to me. One day he calmly pointed out to me that if they seem weird to me then I certainly seem weird to them. This may seem like such a non-impressive statement to some people but it was hugely impactful to me. I realized that he was 100% right. Since then, instead of being tempted to judge something that I perceive to be "weird," I instead focus on the values found in doing it this new and different way. Through doing this I have learned so much about the family around me that I love and also how "weird" some of the things I do must seem to them.
Differences are beautiful.
I remember when I was little thinking that my mom was surely lying when she claimed that she really did not want or need any presents for Christmas. I always felt a twinge of guilt when she would only have a few "lame" homemade gifts to open from us kids while we had mounds of presents to tear through. It wasn't until I had my own family that I realized how superficial gifts actually are. That doesn't mean that I don't love giving and receiving gifts, but rather that I don't need a physical gift to realize that I already have more than I could have ever dreamt for. Getting a handmade ornament from my kids? Well, that's just icing on the cake.
Tis the season to be grateful.
