My mom tried to warn me, but I didn't listen

When I was a little girl, I would beg my mom on a weekly basis--along with the support from my brother and sister--to let us get a dog. Her answer was always a firm and resounding "No." as she explained, once again, that the death of her childhood dog had broken her heart. That logic was lost on us, so we persisted and persisted and persisted until one day, many years later, we wore her down. We brought Buddy home when I was in 7th grade and my total adoration of miniature dachshunds began.

It only seemed natural that I would one day get my own little dachshund. Even though my parents had forbidden it when I was one "their dime", I was on the constant hunt for the perfect dog of my own. Shortly after getting married when I was only 19 years old, I decided that I would know when I met "my dog", so the hunt continued.

Two years later while walking through the mall, I came across a small pet store. The adorable doberman puppy immediately caught my eye, so I of course walked in to get a better look. My eyes drifted two cages above and one to the left, and there she was staring right through my soul: my sweet Gracie-Loo.

Even though I was broke and told myself I was just going to hold her, I knew the second I laid eyes on her that I had found my dog. I was instantly filled with the panic that someone else would swoop in and steal her right out from under me, so without even talking to my then husband, I whipped out my visa card and spent $500 I didn't have on her. Another $100 later on a crate, dog bowls, food, and toys that were entirely too big for her, and then I drove excitedly home cradling the newest member of my family.


Grace and I have been together for over 14 years now. In fact, she has been by my side during the entirety of my adult life. To say that she has been a faithful companion does not truly describe what an amazing support system she has been to me. She has seen every detail of every mistake I made as a fledgling adult. When my abusive former husband and I would get into an argument, she would raise her lip and snarl at him and then lick the tears from my face afterwards when I would lay in bed praying for God to send me the right answers. When I was pregnant with my son, she would climb up to snuggle with me carefully avoiding putting any of her weight on my burgeoning belly, and after he was born she would pace around the house whining when anyone else except me held him. She tolerated his constant tugs at her ears and tail when he found his hands and the ability to crawl and chase after her. When he was sick, she would sleep on the ground next to his crib keeping watch. Through every change I have thrown at her (a new husband with his own dog, another new dog, two more children, two cats, three chickens, and multiple house moves), she lived up to her name with pride, handling everything with the Grace of a dignified member of our family.

My heart tells me that we are nearing the end of my sweet Grace's life. Her mouth contains only a small handful of teeth, the tan of her fur has been long replaced with white, her skin hangs loosely on her bones no matter how much we feed her and exposes the bones of her spine. She doesn't hear very well at all anymore and struggles to even use her dog stairs to get up on our bed. Her body movements are slow and achy in the morning as she tries to warm up and get moving. They told me two months ago that her heart is failing and yesterday that her immune system is as well.

I have warned my children that Grace's time is approaching, but how can I prepare them for the impact that this will have on them? They have never known life without Grace...her sweet face, her protective eyes, her gentle acceptance, her silly habits, her stinky breath, and for that matter, I don't even remember what life was like before her either.

Everyone tells me that I will "just know", but how will I know it is time? I suppose I will know when the light has faded from her eyes or her old body is too tired to carry her anymore. I think about it every day and feel my heart breaking just a little more as I contemplate life without her. To some people she is just a dog, but to me she is so much more. I finally understand what my mother was trying to avoid all of those years when we begged her for a dog. She tried to warn me about the suffocating heart break of losing your lifelong companion, but I didn't listen.

For now, I will continue giving Grace the love and support she has always given me. I will lift her to and from the bed when she is too achy. I will sneak her hard boiled eggs and half eaten cheeseburgers. I will let her stretch out in the patch of sun that warms the grass to the perfect temperature. I will let her bark at the people passing by as she protects "her children." I will let her sleep her old weary head on my pillow right next to me even though her breath is so stinky that it burns my nostrils. And, when it is her time, I will mourn her with the deep sense of loss that my mother warned me about all those years ago.