Orchids bloom

There is something so powerful about sharing your honest thoughts and emotions with other people. In recent weeks as I have started this blog and opened my soul to people around me, I have constantly wondered where this power is rooted. I think that it lies more in the raw truths of my observations than the choice of words I use to express them. When I write I don't think about how things SHOULD sound, I think about how they sound in my head or during conversation. Perhaps it is this element to my writing that makes it relatable to other people, although I really don't know.

The first poem I wrote was in the days following my grandmother's death. I was only eight years old at the time and grappling with how to process the sea of emotions swimming inside of my heart and head. Even though her death was as obvious as the fact that the sky is blue, it felt almost taboo to share my grief out loud with everyone else. In the immediate wake of a death there is a thick air clouding around everyone involved; it is this thick air that still leaves me as an adult feeling that I lack the right words to say to those involved. I know that my eight year old self felt this gray area, this purgatory of emotions, and responded by putting my thoughts on paper. I wasn't trying to be deep and thoughtful. I was just trying to purge my body of the emotions that were gnawing at my stomach. The poem, too personal to share, talks about the orchid blooming in our yard and how it signified that my grandmother was near. I still feel my grandmother's presence when my orchids bloom and it brings me a sense of peace that even though I may not see her, she is still here.

There is something vulnerable about opening yourself up to other people in your most raw form, but it is the connection that people feel with this rawness that brings the power to your words. At least, that is what I believe. I don't write for other people; I write for myself. It is an outlet for all of the things-stories, memories, beliefs, random thoughts-that are in my head to take a tangible form. Even though I may be vulnerable in this sharing I never feel vulnerable. Instead I feel empowered by the freedom that exposing my insides gives me.