Lima beans

I find it interesting that lately I have had a lot of people tell me that they admire me for having "figured it all out." I guess it makes me wonder what the fascination is with having all of the answers? It is like I tell my students all the time: life is not about being perfect, it is about being the best version of yourself that you can be. If I was to constantly strive to be perfect, well that would lead to a consistent stream of disappointment.

What I have figured out in my 31 short years is that I don't need to figure it all out and have all of the right answers. In fact, some of the most important lessons I have learned in this life came as the result of some terribly poor decisions or mistakes. Sorry to let people down but, yep, I make mistakes too.

I am one of the least conceited people in the world, I actually struggle with being too humble and not appreciating my strengths enough, but I do know that I am a devoted wife and mother and a committed worker. I am proud at how much I learn in these areas because I am insistent on constantly evaluating the ways I handle things and how I can do them better. Does this mean I am perfect? Far from it. I stumble and fall just like everyone else, but what I don't do is stay down and wallow in my own self-pity. Instead I pick myself up, brush off the dirt, and figure out the best way to avoid falling in that same hole again. Sometimes I fall more than once, but that's OK. When I stop evaluating why I have fallen then I am in trouble.

I guess I'm kind of like the dynamic protagonist in a story. Antagonists may come and go but I will always rise above them. This is the commitment that I have made to my family, God, and myself.

I don't want my kids to be perfect. In fact, I relish in their missteps because they allow me to teach them how to overcome them. This is not to say that I enjoy watching my kids make mistakes (what mother doesn't want to protect her children from ever feeling pain?), but the reality is that they are going to make them, a lot of them, and that is OK. What I don't want is for them to act like victims and curse the world for their bad fortune. Instead, I want them to grab the universe by the horns, look it in the eyes, and say with confidence "I will overcome this obstacle and come out of the other side a better person." Life is like a giant obstacle course. Why is it that we find obstacle courses fun as children but not as adults? Maybe it is the need to be in control, or maybe it is the desire to predict everything that may come so we can avoid the negatives. I think I am just a realist because I know that, no matter how hard I try, bad things are going to happen. I do not live in a protective bubble void of all evil. If I can give my children this perspective and the tools they need to maneuver it, I know they will always be alright.

I definitely don't have everything figured out. I feel like every day brings with it a moment where my eyes have been opened to something new or different. Perhaps the trick is not being afraid to open your eyes and grasp the world, even the parts that are less than savory, but instead to accept life for how it is: full of moments and experiences that are often challenging. Don't these moments help us to appreciate the beauty even more?

After all, dessert is always sweeter after choking down a plate of lima beans.